I get very irritated when I am at work and I see my team members together off doing things other than working. I am no slave-driver … well, I don’t think so. I merely expect people to be where they are supposed to be doing what they are supposed to do. So this morning, as I went to look for Debbie* and I saw her chatting with Lindsey* I was upset. I mean, it looked like they had been there for a while.

So, I walked over and I was prepared to say, in a “nasty-nice” voice, “Debbie, I’m ready when you are”. Before I could open my mouth, they both looked at me with red, I’ve been standing here crying you jerk, eyes. Actually, now that I think of it, I’m sure the eyes were saying “Bitch” not jerk. I asked them if they were alright and they said yes. Debbie excused herself to clean her face and we all parted ways.

Turns out they were both thinking about the agony of spending another holiday without loved ones they have lost years ago. I can relate. I lost my mother three years ago and none of the holidays are quite as cheery as they used to be. Their emotional display left me thinking about myself though. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I miss my mother, but I seldom cry. Holidays are not the same with out her, but I don’t feel lonely. When I think of it, I probably should feel lonlier than I do. So, what’s so different about me. I am married, but so are they. To top that off, they have children and I do not.

I think what makes me different is that I refuse to be sad. Life is too short for that. My mother would cringe at the thought of me sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I had to spend the holidays without her. She would tell me to focus on the many ways that I have been blessed in life and to live life to the fullest while I can. She would tell me to be thankful for each and every day because life is promised to no one. My mother always reminded me of that, and I carry those words with me to this day. I can still remember to this day, I would ask my mother, “Mommy, what are you going to get me for my birthday” and she would reply, ” Be glad if you make it to your birthday.” Now at the that time I thought she was just irritated by my asking her in January about May birthday presents. I found out much later that my mother was sick and she really did see each additional day she was allowed to walk this earth as a gift.

My mother never told me she was sick and I didn’t find out until after she passed away. She actually never told anyone. So many people kept saying, “I didn’t even know she was sick.” That just wasn’t my mother’s way. She never complained and wouldn’t really stand for other people complaining. There are so many things in life to be thankful for, she just didn’t see the point in dwelling on negativity. So I guess there really isn’t anything wrong with me; I just have more of my mother in me than I thought.

This is not to say that people are not entitled to be sad or to miss their loved ones. I simply offer this; should we not use the time spent mouring a loss to celebrate the lives our loved ones lived. Would this not be time better spent?